Nonverbal Communication: Silent but Strong Messaging

Bootprints in the Snow

My back was out last week.  That happens from time to time when my compressed discs mutiny on me after extended periods of sitting.  Sometimes, like for long car rides, it is unavoidable.  It’s always miserable.  I am an active, outdoorsy person and being flat on my back means I can’t run, or ride or even care for my horse.  To add insult to injury, I miss out on the soothing endorphin rush his whinny and companionship provide.

Once I could drive to the barn, I was elated not only by the symphony of nickers from my horse and his neighbors – which would have been enough – but by another deeply moving “nonverbal message.”  Looking around my horse’s paddock, it was obvious that someone had cleaned up for us.  You see, after forty-eight hours, a healthy horse can leave “wheelbarrows of evidence” of his digestive health.  I saw no such evidence.  Yet my horse was trotting towards me – alert and clearly feeling well.

After sharing an apple with him, I turned to the gate.  That’s when I got clarity on the message from someone dear to me on two legs.  I saw his boot-prints in the snow to and from the shed where I keep my tools for mucking and raking.  My heart melted.  I wasn’t asked if I needed a hand.  I didn’t ask anyone to lend me one.  Instead, one very special someone – silently but powerfully – made clear that he had my back when my back was failing me.

Lisa Bernard has prepared and represented people from all walks of life to speak publicly at meetings, on panels and as keynoters. She has addressed audiences as large as 2000 and designed and delivered over 500 workshops, seminars and college courses on oral communication.  She has slowed down fast-talkers, turned “uhmers” into smooth-speakers and moderated accents from Brooklyn to Beijing – all to develop confident communicators.  Lisa has a Masters Degree in International Affairs from Columbia University and today manages Lisa Bernard’s SecuritySpeak, LLC, a consulting firm that makes available experts on national, global and cyber-security for distinguished lectures worldwide.  You can reach her at (203) 293-4741 or LisaBernard@SecuritySpeak.net and like her firm at www.Facebook.com/PodiumTime.

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Isn’t it Time you Tackled your Fear of Public Speaking?

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A veteran public speaker with twenty five years of experience coaching, training and delivering platform speeches, Lisa Bernard now teaches introductory courses on Effective Communication and Master Classes on Public Speaking and Presentation Skills, Audience Analysis and Conducting a Professional Q&A Session.  Talk with her at (203) 293-4741.  Email her at LisaBernard@SecuritySpeak.net.  Need fast help?  Purchase self-help tools at http://www.CueCardCommunications.com.  Replace your fear of public speaking with confidence in your skills in 2018!  Need a riveting guest speaker for your upcoming event?  See Lisa’s bio and those of her speakers at http://www.SecuritySpeak.net.

Six Steps to a Gracious Speech of Acceptance

On the Contrary!

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Accept the Responsibilities of Accepting an Award

A well-received Speech of Acceptance is a humble acknowledgement of all those who specifically helped the recipient achieve the results that earned him, her or them the award and those whose efforts make the grating of an award possible at all.  In addition, it makes clear that the award-winner understands that his or her or their work is part of a larger contribution to a field, industry or medium.  A well-crafted Speech of Acceptance sends a clear message to the audience as well as the grantors of the award that their recipient was indeed the right selection. S/he comes off as humble, gracious and appreciative of the opportunity for his or her role in the granting institution’s efforts, mission and identity.

Three Things about Awards That You Need to Know

  1. Yes, candidates for an award do prepare, polish and practice Speeches of…

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Social Media and Communication Infantilization?

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I love infants.  When my friends with small children post photos on Facebook I giggle and hit the heart button.  And when I see babies in person I can’t help but interact with them.  I make faces to elicit reactions and I am amazed that they understand gestures and language.  If they’re nine or ten months old I ask them, “Where’s mommy?” and they point to their mother.   It’s a marvel that their feelings and knowledge are expressed without words and it is remarkable that we adults interpret them accurately and respond accordingly.  At their first cry after naptime we ask “Are you hungry?”  And as we approach them with a bowl, bottle or breast they reach to us – eyes wide and hands outstretched.

Late in 2017, I made an observation that gave me pause:  On some social media platforms, my feelings and reactions are expressed as though I am an infant – that is, with pictoral facial expressions to symbolize what I “like” or “love” or what makes me feel “sad,”  “happy,” “angry” or “shocked.”  Don’t get me wrong, it works for some media and in some situations.  A smiley face is sufficient for expressing that you’re genuinely glad your buddy’s power returned after a storm.  Enough clicked.  As an adult, however, it isn’t enough to “make a face” in most situations and relationships.  And as social media offer alternatives to face-to-face communication and live social and professional engagement, some possibilities and concerns are worth noting.  Are we becoming accustomed to “reacting” rather than “interacting” and “responding?”

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With my students, I’ve noticed a shift over the last two years.  Among those raised in societies such as the U.S. with ready access to the internet and social media, more seem to be “spectators” than “participants” than in earlier generations.  They “watch” my lectures and interactions with other students and are uninclined to participate – to exchange their ideas and feelings beyond, “I like it.”  Or, “it’s good.”  They may smile and nod their heads, but they hang back from the articulation of their assessments even after encouragement from me and prodding from their peers.  I cannot help but wonder why this is happening.  Sometimes I have a sense that I am the first live authority figure to press them to articulate clearly their thoughts and feelings.  Sometimes they don’t have the vocabulary to express the nuances of their sentiments and impressions.  Many confess that they don’t read – for school, to keep up with current events or for pleasure.  That certainly can stunt a vocabulary and limit one’s conversance on an issue.  Together, they’ll zap an undergraduate’s confidence and the development of original ideas.

Lately though, seeing many coeds go immediately to their phones and tablets during break and as class ends,  I wonder how long they’ve been voluntary and friendly hostages to social media platforms – platforms that may be conditioning them to be passive in their learning and to “react.”  You know this drill; view a post and be cued: “Like and share if you agree.”  That’s social media-speak for “pass along someone else’s viewpoint” – an anemic substitute for individual expression.  And “reacting” flies in the face of  Effective Communication 101:  Don’t react – respond.  A reaction is an uncensored, involuntary and immediate emotional release.   A response is a judicious decision about when and how to behave and speak.  Children react.  Adults respond.

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Marry that to the trend in my undergraduates away from primary source research – that is, the avoidance of face-to-face interviews and in-person visits when investigating speech topics.  These missing pieces in their due diligence put them in a one-down position from the get-go compared to their contemporaries who actually have a probe, look, smell, taste or listen for themselves.  Reliance on social media outlets for information puts a wall between students and the gold mine of empirical research.  Increasingly I find myself saying, “Let’s get out of our chairs and from behind our tablets,” to some blank stares.  For them, it might as well be an online course with a student to instructor ratio of 1000:1.

What’s the dynamic at work here?   It seems that while communication technologies continue to evolve, human nature hasn’t changed a stitch.  We muggles are attracted to appliances that make things easier for us and social media platforms and mobile devices square with our appetites for simplicity and accessibility.   Yet – and here’s the root of the paradox – we humans also long to express ourselves as individuals.  We crave being heard and understood by others.   And we aspire to feel confidant when we speak with and in front of other people.  Reality check: only actual live face-to-live face interaction satisfies these needs over time.

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Nonverbal cues like nodding, a pat on the back and eye contact impact us synergistically.  And verbal clarification in interviews and questions from live audiences help us refine our messaging and clarify our content – key ingredients for the superpower known as confident communication.   Knowing that we are being heard is gratifying.  Validating what we know and identifying what we’ve yet to learn feed our confidence – at any age and at each level of development and maturation.

So looking forward – literally – in 2018, let’s not allow social media to walk us backward or hinder our growth.  Let us avoid the infantilization of our communication.  Effective communication is our super power as human beings.

Lisa Bernard has prepared and represented people from all walks of life to speak publicly at meetings, on panels, in their places of worship and as keynoters. She herself has addressed audiences as large as 2000 and designed and delivered over 500 workshops, seminars and college-level courses on oral communication.  She has slowed down fast-talkers, turned “uhmers” into smooth-speakers and moderated accents from Brooklyn to Beijing – all to develop confident communicators.  Lisa has a Masters Degree in International Affairs from Columbia University and today manages Lisa Bernard’s SecuritySpeak, LLC, a consulting firm that makes available experts on national, global and cyber-security for distinguished lectures worldwide.  You can reach her at (203) 293-4741 or LisaBernard@SecuritySpeak.net and like her firm at www.Facebook.com/PodiumTime.